Saturday, June 16, 2012

Our Sweet Puppy

One week ago today, Saturday June 9 around 2:00pm our Matilda left us suddenly. She spent the day doing what she loved, lounging in the sun and chasing the birds at the Heywood’s home. As she and I left to pick up Mason, she decided to chase a truck and unfortunately got caught under the back tire. She only made it a few feet on her journey back to me before collapsing in the road. Her poor sweet body convulsed briefly and then lay limp. As I picked her up and got her in the car, I think she was breathing, but before I reachedthe animal hospital less than 5 minutes away, she had stopped and she was lifeless.

I called Mason on my way to the hospital, and he raced to meet me. Of course, he arrived to find her dead on the seat of my car.

My parents were kind enough to let us bury her in their backyard. They loved her and she adored them. She would be so excited when she realized we were headed to their home. She received so much love and attention when she arrived and loved having space to run, windows to look out of, plush couch cushions to snuggle up on, and chickens to tease. Therefore it seemed fitting that this should be her final resting place.

When we arrived, my dad and Robert had begun building a special box for her to be placed in. Chaz, had was digging a hole and my mom had picked out a soft blanket to line the box and beautiful linens for her to be wrapped in. I so appreciated their kind efforts and support as I was not handling things very well.

Mason and I were able to spend a few moments with her as she lay in her casket and then we all said a family prayer together. The lid was screwed on and she was lowered to her final resting place. My mom and dad suggested we get some nice plants to commemorate her so the four of us left while my sweet brothers completed the burial.

We selected a beautiful purple spotted foxglove plant and some lower delicate white flowers. Both of which are perennials so that they might return year after year and remind us of our precious puppy buried there.

I am so grateful to have the wonderfully supportive family I do who rallied around us in our time of need.

To our sweet Matilda,
Your unplanned arrival  into our lives, blessed us more than we ever could have imagined. What started off as a foster situation to help out a friend quickly turned into a love affair.

To us, you were more than just a dog, you were our baby. After 4 years of struggling with infertility, you came into our lives and gave us purpose. You gave us something to love, nurture, and care for. In return we also felt your love, attachment and trust in us grow.

We became each other’s therapy.
Slowly, we watched you turn from a scared defensive dog who would snap at anyone who came near you (especially children) to an animal who loved people and was learning to be tolerant of little ones. We were so proud of your progress!

The consistency of routine, security, and love blessed all of our lives.

The joy you brought spread far beyond the reaches of our small little home as everyone who met you fell in love with you. We had people stop and talk to us about you all the time telling us how pretty you were, asking what kind of a dog you were, and if you happened to have any brothers or sisters. We were proud parents of our pretty puppy.

Our families lit up when you entered the room. You would make your grand entrance running laps as if to say “look everyone, I’m here!” My parents and brothers doted on you and were always competing for your attention and your snuggles. The nieces and nephews loved when you came to play and would chase you around yelling, “Tilda!” “Tilda!”  Asking “where’s ‘tilda?” and you even helped the babies learn to crawl as they would want to chase you. It always warmed our hearts though when you would come running to us knowing we would provide you protection when it became too much.
Your presence will be sorely missed! I find comfort in picturing my twin baby girls welcoming you back to heaven with open arms, playing with you, and holding you, knowing that we might all be back together again some day.

We love you! 

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Our Announcement

I got a call from my doctor early on May 29, saying she got the results of my genetic lab work back and something wasn't right. She scheduled an appointment for me to go to the hospital that day and have an emergency ultrasound. She told me my baby was at risk for a few things most likely being spina bifida and early placental aging (or placenta calcification). "Or," she said, "it could be nothing, so we just need to get you checked out."

Well even though she said it could be nothing, I started to panic. My mind was racing with questions about what all this would mean for my pregnancy and my baby. With my emotions raging I begged Mason to come with me. Saying "I can't do this alone!" My sweet husband assured me he would be right there by my side as we were in this together.

I went to work, but couldn't concentrate. I researched and resarched about what Spina Bifida and premature placental aging are. I created my list of questions as they applied to each of these situations and braced myself for what was to come.

As we sat with our hands intertwined and trembling together I said to Mason, "I am so so sorry I am not able to give you a normal healthy family," as my heart was once again broken with our challenges. But we discussed that it didn't matter what the issue was, it wouldn't change our situation. We would love this baby with all our hearts and make the best of whatever challenges our little family would have to face.

I was so glad he was with me, as we not only were going to find out the fate of our baby but also the sex. We had been waiting for this day for years. Waiting to see if we would have a boy or girl first regardless of whether or not they would be completely healthy and normal, there was still the excitement and anticipation of finding out which type of spirit would soon be blessing our home.

Here is how we told our parents the news...

(Please forgive my extremely poor recording skills. One day I will learn how to do this better!)

Announcing to the Heywoods

Announcing to the Walgamotts

Obviously, the reason our levels were so skewed was because there were 2 babies, 2 sacks, 2 placentas and once they ran the tests again (indicating that there were 2 babies and not just 1) and studied the spines in the ultrasound, they shared the good news that both babies were healthy and that my hormone levels were perfectly normal.

Why my doctor didn't mention that twins could be one of the possiblities, I don't know, but we will take it! As I said before, we knew that whatever challenge was presented to us that we would face it head on. These results were definitely different than what we expected but it is such an amazing blessing and challenge that we could not be more grateful! 
We have recieved such love and support from our family and friends. Not only do we feel blessed to be welcoming twin girls to our home, but also by all the love that is already around us. Thank you all!